when i am finally okay
with not being okay
then i am truly free
when i’ve received the
forgiveness you offer me
and offer it to others in
return
i can finally forgive myself
and not be stuck any
longer
in the gravitational pull of
my own faults and blunders
i can finally break free
from the chains that bind
and hold me back from
the life i was made for
i can soar into the heavens
on the winds of your breath
forgiven and forgiving and
free
“Our soul waits for the Lord.” (Psalm 33:20, ESV)
Waiting for the Lord is a key aspect of walking with God. He is the one who sets the tone, the pace, and the agenda, not us. Thus, waiting for the Lord teaches us to walk with him and not charge ahead of him.
Somehow, however, waiting has become synonymous with doing nothing or with nothing happening. But nothing could be further from the truth. We don’t wait because nothing is happening; we wait because something is already happening. God is at work and we are just trying to hold space for him to do what only he can do.
Therefore, waiting is not passive but active. It requires being fully present and paying careful attention. It is about trust and openness and yieldedness. It is about surrendering our will and our ways to him.
Waiting for the Lord is not about disengagement, but about engagement of the highest order. It is not about disconnection, but deep, intimate connection. It is not about enduring God’s absence but engaging his presence.
Waiting is where transformation takes place. It’s not about trying to transform ourselves, it’s about him forming his very life within us. Waiting is life in the cocoon, the womb, the tomb, the belly of the whale. It’s where our life ends and his life within us, among us, and through us begins.
But what does it look like to submit to God? The Greek word (hypotassō) used here by James gives us a great clue. It means to station yourself under. When we submit to God, he becomes the point. Life is not about us anymore, it’s about him. He leads and we follow. He, and not us, becomes the center of the universe around which everything revolves. Our lives are completely under his rule and his reign.
“So let God work his will in you,” says The Message translation of James 4:7-10. “Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him make himself scarce. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.”
O God, forgive me when I try to rule and run my own life. I am terrible at it. Teach me what it means to submit to you and give me the grace and the strength and the courage to do it.
But sadly, we say, “We will not walk in it.” We refuse to stop. We refuse to stand. We refuse to look. We refuse to ask. And we refuse to walk in your way. Somehow, we have come to believe that our way is better. And, thus, we miss out on the beauty and the life and the rest that you have prepared for us. Is there a greater temptation in all of life than the temptation to try and do it on our own?
O Lord, my God, help me not to jump to walk before I’ve stopped and stood and looked and asked. For only then will I experience the soul rest I so deeply need and desire.
Our resistance to rest is both baffling and fascinating. Who in their right mind would “have none of it?” Why in the world would we say, “No,” and run off to follow our own agendas, plans, and devices. Is it all ego? Are we so full of ourselves that there is no room for God? Are we so determined to make a name for ourselves that we would risk all in doing so? Are we so dead set on becoming a flagstaff on a mountaintop that we would sacrifice all that is good and holy to get there?
Do we really believe that we are what we do? Are we really convinced that we are who people say or think we are? Do we really believe that our worth and value are determined by our successes and achievements? Do we really believe that stopping and resting is only for the weak? It would certainly appear so.
But the truth is that in returning and rest is our salvation and in quietness and trust is our strength. It is God who determines all those things, not us. All we have to do is be who and what he made us to be. The rest is up to him.
Annie Dillard once wrote: "You do not have to sit outside in the dark. If, however, you want to see the stars, you will find that darkness is necessary. But the stars neither require nor demand it."
Which reminds me of the words I pray every Sunday from Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." It's as if God is saying: "You don't have to lie down in green pastures and sit beside still waters. If, however, you want to have your soul restored, you will find that they are necessary."
That's probably why he "makes us" lie down and "leads us" beside, because he knows that we typically won't do those things by ourselves. We're too busy responding to demands and expectations, getting things done, and making things happen. I mean, who has time to "lie down" or "sit beside," right?
The problem is that if we don't make time and space to do those two things, our souls will dry up and die, which is why we need to have our souls "restored" in the first place. The word for soul, in the Hebrew, comes from one of the words for breath. Which means that the soul is that place where God breathes his life-giving breath into us. If we don't make time and space for God to breathe his divine breath into us, we have nothing of value or substance to breathe out upon the world around us. We can't live in a constant exhale; we must learn how to inhale. God wants to restore his divine breath in us.
Which brings us back to "making us lie down in green pastures" and "leading us beside still waters." Those two practices are a major part of soul restoration. So, take a few minutes today and follow the Good Shepherd to those green fields and those still waters. You won't regret it. In fact, it will give you life and joy and love and peace. It will restore your soul.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” (John 15:9)
I can think of no better definition of prayer than simply to abide in His love. The word abide means to stay, remain, or live in. It is a continual state of being; a beautiful combination of presence, attention, and affection.
To abide in his love—in prayer—means to sit in his divine embrace and allow his love, his affection, and his delight to capture our hearts and transform our lives. Maybe that’s what Paul meant when he told us to pray without ceasing. That we would, at every moment of every day, bask in the light and warmth of his presence and let it consume us to the point where we are one with him. Which is the perfect description of the relationship between Jesus and his Father.
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)
But when it comes to knowing God, we must read a little differently. We must begin to read for formation rather than just for information. In other words, we must learn to not just read the word and study the word, but we must learn to abide in the word and listen to the word and meditate on the word. That's when what is in the mind moves into the heart, which is how transformation takes place. At that point, instead of us trying to master the word, the word comes to master and form us. We begin to hear God’s voice in his word in a deep and personal way. We begin to let the word live in us and move in us and grow in us. Thus, the Bible ceases to be merely a textbook and becomes a series of love letters, telling one beautiful love story.
