ambivalence

darkness and light

resistance and desire

clinging and letting go

fear and faith

wrestling between

torn

mixed

conflicted

ambivalent

i am them all

Lord, have mercy

submit

"Submit yourselves, then, to God." (James 4:7) 

Walking with God requires a movement from autonomy to submission.  We aren’t the ones in charge, he is.  He calls the shots, he sets the agenda, he determines the course.  Therefore, our lives must reflect that. 

But what does it look like to submit to God?  The Greek word (hypotassō) used here by James gives us a great clue.  It means to station yourself under.  When we submit to God, he becomes the point.  Life is not about us anymore, it’s about him.  He leads and we follow.  He, and not us, becomes the center of the universe around which everything revolves.  Our lives are completely under his rule and his reign.

“So let God work his will in you,” says The Message translation of James 4:7-10.  “Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him make himself scarce. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life.  Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.”

O God, forgive me when I try to rule and run my own life.  I am terrible at it.  Teach me what it means to submit to you and give me the grace and the strength and the courage to do it.

burn

"I have come to bring fire on the earth,

and how i wish it were already kindled."

~Luke 12:49

there is a fire that burns within

a fire that burns but does not consume

a fire that purges and transforms

a refining and purifying flame

a divine presence that seizes the heart

it is not the fire of judgment

but the fire of sanctification

a fire that brings light into the darkness

a fire that rages with passionate zeal

it leaves no remnant of indifference

no trace of half-heartedness and

no room for tepidity or lukewarmness

it burns away all that is not holy

let it burn

jeremiah 6:16

This is what you say, O Lord: “Stop.  Just stand at the crossroads and look around.  What do you see?  Give me your full and undivided attention.  Ask me what I’m up to and I will show you.  Ask me where the good way is and I will tell you.  It is the path I have created for you to walk upon.  And when you do, you will find rest for your souls.”

But sadly, we say, “We will not walk in it.”  We refuse to stop.  We refuse to stand.  We refuse to look.  We refuse to ask. And we refuse to walk in your way.  Somehow, we have come to believe that our way is better.  And, thus, we miss out on the beauty and the life and the rest that you have prepared for us.  Is there a greater temptation in all of life than the temptation to try and do it on our own?

O Lord, my God, help me not to jump to walk before I’ve stopped and stood and looked and asked.  For only then will I experience the soul rest I so deeply need and desire.

resistance to rest

“In returning and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” (Isaiah 30:15)

Our resistance to rest is both baffling and fascinating.  Who in their right mind would “have none of it?”  Why in the world would we say, “No,” and run off to follow our own agendas, plans, and devices.  Is it all ego?  Are we so full of ourselves that there is no room for God?  Are we so determined to make a name for ourselves that we would risk all in doing so?  Are we so dead set on becoming a flagstaff on a mountaintop that we would sacrifice all that is good and holy to get there? 

Do we really believe that we are what we do?  Are we really convinced that we are who people say or think we are?  Do we really believe that our worth and value are determined by our successes and achievements?  Do we really believe that stopping and resting is only for the weak?  It would certainly appear so.

But the truth is that in returning and rest is our salvation and in quietness and trust is our strength.  It is God who determines all those things, not us.  All we have to do is be who and what he made us to be.  The rest is up to him.

true self

Lord Jesus

help me to

become the me

that looks like you

reach

"if i just touch his clothes..."

mark 5:28

what if what you get

is merely what you

will settle for

there's so much more 

of me if you are willing 

to reach for it 

will you reach for me

will you reach for more

the reach is everything