forgiveness

when i am finally okay

with not being okay

then i am truly free

 

when i’ve received the

forgiveness you offer me

and offer it to others in return

i can finally forgive myself

and not be stuck any longer

in the gravitational pull of

my own faults and blunders

 

i can finally break free

from the chains that bind

and hold me back from

the life i was made for

 

i can soar into the heavens

on the winds of your breath

forgiven and forgiving and free

waiting for the Lord

“Our soul waits for the Lord.” (Psalm 33:20, ESV)

Waiting for the Lord is a key aspect of walking with God.  He is the one who sets the tone, the pace, and the agenda, not us.  Thus, waiting for the Lord teaches us to walk with him and not charge ahead of him. 

Somehow, however, waiting has become synonymous with doing nothing or with nothing happening.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  We don’t wait because nothing is happening; we wait because something is already happening.  God is at work and we are just trying to hold space for him to do what only he can do.

Therefore, waiting is not passive but active.  It requires being fully present and paying careful attention.  It is about trust and openness and yieldedness.  It is about surrendering our will and our ways to him.

Waiting for the Lord is not about disengagement, but about engagement of the highest order.  It is not about disconnection, but deep, intimate connection.  It is not about enduring God’s absence but engaging his presence.   

Waiting is where transformation takes place.  It’s not about trying to transform ourselves, it’s about him forming his very life within us.  Waiting is life in the cocoon, the womb, the tomb, the belly of the whale.  It’s where our life ends and his life within us, among us, and through us begins. 

like a little child

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mark 10:14-15)

"One thing you still lack.  Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then, come follow me." (Mark 10:21)

Walking with Jesus is different than we may imagine.  It often leads down, rather than up.  Take the contrast in this passage, for instance.  These two encounters with Jesus come one after the other for a reason.  Mark is very intentional in this way throughout his entire gospel.

The disciples thought the kingdom of God was about power and position, influence and importance.  They wanted to be rulers, while Jesus was trying to teach them to be children.  They wanted to be high and mighty, while Jesus was trying to teach them to be least and lowly.  They wanted to be independent and self-sufficient, while Jesus was trying to teach them the necessity of dependence and desperation.

Enter the children.  They were small, lowly, and innocent.  They were needy, weak, and dependent.  They were unimportant and insignificant, the least of these from a societal perspective.  Yet they were first in the kingdom of God.  They were open and trusting and receptive.  They were the ones Jesus blessed.

The rich young ruler, on the other hand, was the direct opposite.  He was wealthy, successful, powerful, influential, and self-sufficient.  He had no need, just a gnawing feeling inside that there was something he still lacked.  And in response to his question, Jesus looked at him and loved him.  In fact, Jesus loved him enough to tell him the truth: he must give up everything and come follow Jesus.  In essence, Jesus told him he must become like a little child if he wanted to enter the kingdom of God.  But that was too much to ask of this powerful, important man.  So instead of being blessed, he walked away sad.

Where do you find yourself in this story?  Who can you relate to most?  What does becoming like a child look like for you?  Are you willing to do it?

stillness

sit in stillness

don't just talk about it

in stillness is healing

in stillness is life

in stillness is wholeness

in stillness is restoration

in stillness is transformation

in stillness is prayer

be still and know

that I am God

be still and know

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10

"You can't control the life in you.  It grows and emerges in its own time.  Be patient and nurture it with all your love and attentiveness.  Be still and cooperate with the mystery God is unfolding in you." ~Sue Monk Kidd

We are born manufacturers.  In the absence of something organically growing within or around us, we will jump right in and try to make it, or force it, to happen on our own.  But the kingdom of God rarely works that way.  The kingdom is about fruitfulness not productivity.  A product is something we produce, but fruitfulness is something only God can bring about.  When Jesus said, "Apart from me you can do nothing," he really meant it.  So why do we keep on trying?

Life with God is much more about waiting than it is about forcing.  It is much more about being still and knowing he is God than it is about running around like chickens with our heads cut off.  It is much more about creating space for the Spirit to speak, move and act, than it is about inserting ourselves and our thoughts, observations, and opinions into situations and conversations.  Getting folks, as well as ourselves, to be still and cooperate with the mystery God is unfolding in them seems like a much more fruitful path than manufacturing, forcing, and exerting. 

Maybe it's time for "Be still and know that I am God" to not just be something we pray, but something we actually do. 

let go

the journey from

clinging to letting go

takes a lot of courage

because it requires

uncurling your grip

finger by finger

the price of refusing

to let go of what you’re

desperately holding onto

costs you the freedom

of open hands

you can’t receive

the new and beautiful

as long as you’re clinging to

the old and familiar

so be strong and take heart

stop clinging and be free

ambivalence

darkness and light

resistance and desire

clinging and letting go

fear and faith

wrestling between

torn

mixed

conflicted

ambivalent

i am them all

Lord, have mercy