nothing

Lord

i am nothing

apart from you

i can do nothing

except by your

grace and mercy

and i long to be

filled with nothing

but your unfailing love

be everything

in my nothingness

attunement

O God

may my heart

be your heart

may my eyes

be your eyes

may my soul

be one with you

may my hope

be in you alone

may it always be

all of you and

none of me

cease striving

cease striving 

and know

that I am God

that means

stop building

stop performing

stop proving

stop earning

it means

stop jockeying

stop climbing

stop competing

stop comparing

just stop

be still

and know me

I will do the rest

overflowing with hope

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

It’s impossible to separate the presence of true and lasting hope in our lives—and, thus, joy and peace—from the concept and reality of resurrection.  Hope that is not eternal is no hope at all; it is just wishful thinking.  Hope involves something much more substantial.  Hope involves a surety and a joyful expectation of the good that is to come. 

Maybe that’s why hope is not something we typically think about very often.  Our minds are too occupied with temporary things to dwell on eternal ones.  We love to think about our hearts overflowing with life or love or joy, things that are more tangible, but what about overflowing with hope?  What does that even look like? 

Overflowing with hope means that our lives are not determined by our current circumstances, but by a loving and good God who is always working for our eternal benefit and always bringing life out of the jaws of death.  In God’s economy, life always wins—resurrection always follows crucifixion.  A life overflowing with hope sees that; it is able to see beyond the immediate to the everlasting.

O, God of hope, may my life and my spirit be filled to overflowing with all the joy and the peace and the love and the hope that life with you has to offer.  May I never be tempted to put my hope in the things of this world—my own strengths, abilities, or circumstances—but to put my hope ever and always only in you.

disappear

disappear into Me

and you will finally find

the intimacy and the union

you so deeply long for

bask

we can beg for mercy

but we must bask in grace

it cannot be earned

it cannot be achieved

it can only be received

grace is lavished upon us

all that’s required is openness

willingness to bathe ourselves

in his goodness and his love

fly

come to the edge of the nest

hear the invitation of God

receive his gentle push

leave the safety and security

of what you have known

and take the leap into

the vast unknown

soar into the heavens

on the winds of his breath

take flight and become

all you were created to be

christmas in july

Okay, so I know it’s not July yet, but close enough.  I also know that the whole idea of new birth is gaining a ton of life in me these days.  Mostly because I feel like it’s what God is inviting me to―a quality and depth of life that I have not yet known.  In fact, it’s what he’s inviting all of us to.  It’s the way that he’s doing it that’s surprising, although it should not be.  The way to this new life is through my weakness, frailty, and vulnerability.  It’s coming through embracing my humanity.  It’s coming, as Sue Monk Kidd so beautifully writes, through the dung and the straw:

     “In the passage of emergence, as birthing begins, the soul becomes a nativity.  The whole Bethlehem pageant starts up inside us.  An unprecedented new star shines in our darkness―a new illumination and awareness.  God sends Wisdom to visit us, bearing gifts.  The shepherding qualities inside us are summoned to help tend what’s being born.  The angels sing and a whole new music begins to float in the spheres.  Some new living, breathing dimension of the life of Christ emerges with a tiny cry that says, I am.

     One of the best parts of the whole drama is that it happens in the dung and straw of our life, just as it happened in the dung and straw of Bethlehem. Birthing Christ is an experience of humility. Emerging to newness after the rigors of the cocoon isn’t a spiritual ‘promotion.’ There’s no presentation of a twenty-four-carat halo and a fancy new Christian persona without scuffs. If we’re consumed with holy pride, convinced that we’re spiritually ‘right’ and on a higher plane than others, we haven’t birthed a wider experience of the inner Christ but a new creation of the ego.

     The Christ life doesn’t divorce us from our humanity: it causes us to embrace it. It makes us more human. It humbles us. Genuine transformation always connects us to our essential nature, both sacred and profane. When we go through its passages, we plumb the depths of our humanity. We become intimate with what lies inside—the wild and untamed, the orphaned and abused, the soiled and unredeemed. We hold our falseness in our hands and trace our fingers over the masks we wear, like a blind person feeling the unseen faces of those she wants to know. We stare into the sockets of our pain and glimpse the naked truth of who we are.

     All this we bring with us into the new life. It ushers us into a new humility. Oh, yes, no doubt about it. We birth Christ, on a pile of ordinary straw.” (from When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd)

Christ wants to be born anew in us, but that new birth is most likely to come in our places of greatest weakness and vulnerability. In the dung and in the straw of our own humanity.  In our flaws and in our frailty, that's where his transforming power shows up best.

Lord Jesus, in this world we are most likely to find you in the dung and the straw.  Help us not to be afraid to look for you there.

come home

come home to yourself

not the home you have built

but the one built for you

strip away the layers

of accumulated wallpaper

and get down to the original

to what is true and real

it’s going to take a while

to undo the ego patterns

and unravel the illusions

and deconstruct the story

you have created for yourself

it will not be easy to strip away 

the manufactured self

the one that doesn’t really exist

but in the end it will all be worth it

the home you’ve been living in

is not really your home

but merely a construction of

your deepest wounds

and your greatest fears

so come home to yourself

if you have the nerve

God will be your guide

he is the only one who

can show you the way

but it will not be easy

stripping and undoing

and unravelling 

and emptying 

never is

let him take you there

in God

God in us

the hope of glory

us in God

the intimacy of 

divine union

becoming bartimaeus

there is a beggar

inside each of us

dying to get out

longing to be set free

from the illusion of

strength and adequacy

a lowly pauper

waiting to be seen

and acknowledged

yearning to live out of

authentic dependence

neediness and weakness

instead of trying to

fool the world via

autonomy and control

but in order to make the leap

from falsehood to truth

we must be willing to

put on our beggar's clothes

and allow the deepest cry

of our hearts to be

Lord, have mercy on me

only then do we have

any real hope of finding

genuine transformation

wait for the Lord

What does it mean to wait for the Lord?  What does it really look like?  And why do we have such a hard time doing it?

As a culture, we’re really not into waiting—for anything.  And when we do it’s usually only because we have no other choice.  And if we’re honest, even when we do try to wait for the Lord, we’re really not waiting for him but for a favorable outcome or a change in circumstance.  Most of the time, our version of waiting for the Lord is just trying to use him to get what we want.  He is not the end, but merely a means to our preferred end.  And anytime we approach God not as the end, but as a means to an end, we’re not really approaching him at all.  We’re only trying to get our way or further our agenda.  And that’s not what waiting for the Lord is at all. 

Waiting for the Lord is just that—waiting for the Lord. Waiting for the Lord is laying aside our plans and schemes and agendas.  It is letting go of autonomy and control.  It is surrendering our wants and needs.  Waiting for the Lord is a refusal to try and manage, maneuver, or manipulate outcomes.  It is standing before God totally empty and fully open, willing to do whatever he asks and to go wherever he leads.  Waiting for the Lord is the determination not to charge ahead until we receive a word from him.

Waiting for the Lord is not just something we do until the Lord shows up.  Waiting for the Lord is God showing up.  It is through waiting for him that we are changed.  We are not waiting for transformation; it is in the waiting that God is transforming us.  We cannot do it ourselves.

Thus, waiting for the Lord involves a total dependence upon God.  It involves the realization that we cannot do things on our own.  For whenever we try to do it on our own, we cease to wait for the Lord.  That’s why the psalm says: “For God alone my soul waits in silence.”

human

i've decided to give myself

the freedom to be human

which is of course what i am

although i have spent a lot

of time and energy trying to

convince people otherwise

because any fall from grace

definitely leaves a mark

especially if it's from a height

but being human is so much

better than the alternative

albeit incredibly messy at times

it can cause a good bit of

disappointment and hurt 

but isn't that better than being

someone who does not even exist

real love comes only when you

allow others to see all of you

not just the pretty parts

all your flaws and frailties

all your failures and foibles

all your weaknesses

and vulnerabilities

for it is not until others

discover your humanness

and embrace it themselves

that there can be real relationship

that they can love the real you

for until there is true being

their love was not about you 

but was about them 

and who they needed 

or wanted you to be

and that is not really love

so i've decided to give myself

the freedom to be human

because being anything

other than that is a burden

too great for anyone to bear

clinging

help me not to cling

to how it was

because how it was

can keep me from

all that is to be

changes

the lines on  

my hands 

and my face  

tell the story 

time marches on 

it waits for no one 

 

seasons come  

and season go 

letting go becomes 

standard fare 

best get good at it 

 

children turn into adults 

knees get weaker 

eyesight begins to fail 

but God’s unfailing love 

and continual faithfulness 

endure forever 

wait for him

“Wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.” (Psalm 130:5-6)

Eventually God leads each of us to the place where all we can do is wait for him.  It is as maddening as it is challenging, but the truth is that we can either embrace it and enter into it or we can drive ourselves crazy trying to avoid or escape it.  Which will we choose?

“O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love, and with him is full redemption.” (Psalm 130:7)

an old clay jar

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)

I am a mess!  I always have been and will be until the day I die.  But I’m okay with that because this old clay jar contains a treasure.  And I can’t embrace the treasure if I can’t embrace its container.  The jar is somehow an essential part of the equation.  

If I never carry around in my body the death of Jesus, how can the life of Jesus ever be fully revealed in my body?  I can never fully appreciate the risen-ness of Jesus if I try to escape, or discard, my brokenness and need for Jesus.  I must somehow learn to embrace this old clay jar before I can fully appreciate, and reveal, the love and power of the Risen Jesus to a world that’s in as desperate need of him as I am.

Lord Jesus, help me never to hide my messiness or brokenness, because it only gives you the chance to reveal your love and your resurrection power.

burn

Luke 12:49-50

What is the fire

you have given me to light? 

Do I burn with holy longing

for you alone? 

Do I spread the flames

of your consuming love

to all who cross my path? 

Do I long to see people’s lives

consumed by those flames

until it is only you they live for? 

And am I willing to undergo

whatever baptism necessary

to get me to that holy place?

the great regret

after the great regret

there has been a lot of life

God somehow used death

once again

to bring about new life

it’s kind of what he does

alive

Since, then, you have raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your hearts on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:1-2)

Notice that Paul says, “Since you have been raised with Christ,” and not, “Since you will be raised with Christ.”  That means resurrection life is a current reality, not just a future hope.  Because of the resurrection of Jesus, he now invites us to experience resurrection life with him.  We do this by setting our hearts and minds on things above, rather than on earthly things.  We do this by focusing on what is alive within and around us, rather than what is dead and dying.  We do this by recognizing the Risen Jesus whenever and wherever he appears to us, rather than allowing mood, whim, and circumstance to keep us from being able to see him and embrace him in his risen form.  He is the only one who is able to usher us into the life of risen-ness he invites us to.  The only question is, will we take him up on it?

holy saturday 2024

The silence must’ve been deafening as they sat idly by.  Their world had stopped spinning; nothing could be done.  A forced solitude had taken hold of them, meant to accomplish eternal purposes.  Space needed to be made; space to reflect, space to grieve, and space to hope.  That’s what this day is all about.

There is a certain powerlessness to Holy Saturday that is really good for us.  We can’t produce, manufacture, or control resurrection; we can’t hasten it or hurry it along.  All we can do is wait.

So, today, ask God to help you to stop.  Ask him to help you stop doing and to start being.  Ask him to help you to stop talking and to start listening.  Ask him to help you to stop initiating and to start waiting. 

O Lord, there is still some emptying that needs to be done.  Give us the patience, the courage, the strength, and the trust to make room for that to happen.  Help us to learn how to wait for you during this holy day of waiting and resting.  Sunday will come soon enough, but there is still something you want to do in us first.  Prepare our hearts, Lord Jesus, for your resurrection.

a ride (palm sunday)

a long season of lent

is finally coming to an end

but the beginning of the end

involves a ride

a ride into the depths

of death and dying

a painful but necessary journey

a dying that must take place

to make room for living

for in the kingdom of God

death always leads to new life

so now Jesus turns

to each of us and asks

will you ride with me

it will not be an easy ride

in fact it will demand all

it will require absolute trust

and total surrender

but this death will be

the doorway to new life

so what do you say

will you ride with me

i am weak

if God’s power

is best displayed

in weakness

then why do we

go to such lengths

to hide ours

from each other

doesn’t that keep

us from being able 

to see him work

humble us

O Lord, our God, forgive us when our pride, arrogance, and self-centeredness keep us from turning to you in humble obedience and dependence.  Forgive us when we get too full of ourselves and too big for our britches to realize that apart from you, we can do nothing.  Forgive us when we fall in love with our own opinions and observations and stop listening to your voice and seeking your face.  Forgive us when we begin to think that we can handle this life on our own, or make things happen for ourselves.

Humble us, O God, and remind us of who we are and of who you are, so that we might, once again, return to you with our whole hearts in prayer and self-surrender.

pruning

More is not always better, especially when you are talking about the spiritual life.  When it comes to life with God, quality always seems to be more important than quantity.  Jesus knew that, which is where the whole idea of pruning comes in. (John 15:1-2) 

Pruning is about decreasing quantity in order to increase quality.  It is about making space for beauty.  Pruning is the difference between growing a hundred good roses, as opposed to growing twenty-five great ones.  Thus, the act of pruning is about God cutting away the old and lifeless parts of us in order to bring about more beautiful fruit.  Which means that when God prunes us, it is to make us a more beautiful expression and reflection of his goodness, love, and creativity.

The word for prune, in the Greek, is kathairō, which also means to cleanse or to purge.  It is a necessary part of growth, both for a plant and for a heart and soul.  A thing can only grow if there is room to do so.  Space must be made.  Pruning is about making that space.

The saints of old understood this.  They often referred to this stage of the spiritual growth process as purgation.  It is one part of a three-fold pattern: purgation, illumination, and union.  Thus, the soul must first be purged of the many things occupying it, in order to make room for something more beautiful to come about.  The old state of being might have been okay for a time, or for a season, but in order for a new season to begin, the old must be done away with.  Autumn leaves must fall to the ground before the leaves of spring can arrive.  And so it is with a soul.

The great part is that we are not solely responsible for this pruning, it is in the hands of the Gardener.  He knows just how and where to do it, and he has very gentle hands.  He also has a vision of the beauty he is making room for.  All we need to do is to trust him, to be open and receptive and responsive to his divine touch.