why are you so afraid

“Why are you so afraid?” (Mark 4:40) What a great question, not only for the disciples but for each of us.  Fear has such a profound impact on all of our lives, whether we realize it or not.  Jesus knew that, and he just wanted us to know it too. 

Fear is at the root of so many of our issues, problems, and dysfunctions.  And it’s even at the root of some things that the culture around us would call good things.  But are they?  Really?  Especially if their origin is fear.

For example, fear is obviously behind our anxiety, insecurity, and doubt, but it is also at the root of our drivenness, competitiveness, and workaholism.  Fear is surely the main source of our judgmentalness and criticalness, but it is also at the core of our inability, or our unwillingness, to stop and rest.

“There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out all fear,” says the apostle John.  Thus, fear is actually the enemy of love.  And if we are called to love, which we obviously are, fear will keep us from being able to do that.

So, I guess we all must answer the question, “Why are you so afraid?” with as much honesty and transparency and vulnerability and reflection and courage as we possibly can.  Because it is only when we recognize fear as the source of our behavior that we can ever have any real hope of transforming that fear into love.     

Lord Jesus, help us not to live in the house of fear but to live in the house of love.  For only then can we love like you love.

weak is strong

Weak is strong in the kingdom of God.  Never in my life have I felt as weak, as flawed, as fragile, and as vulnerable as I do these days, and yet God continues to work in power.  Never has the phrase “treasure in jars of clay” been a more accurate description of who I am and how I’m operating, and yet God continues to show up in amazing ways.  Maybe because I am finally getting out of the way.  

Never has “For when I am weak, then I am strong" been more evident in my life and my ministry.  My weakness, my anxiety, and my dysfunctions are the very channels through which God is doing some of his deepest and best work.  I’ve tried to overcome them all, to no avail, and now I think I’m actually supposed to lean into them and embrace them.  That seems to be what Paul is saying.  I’m not supposed to overcome them because his power is made perfect in my weakness.  Weak is strong in the kingdom of God.  His power is best revealed in my powerlessness.  It’s all about him, not about me.  When will I ever learn?

the kingdom

 the kingdom of God

is like a mustard seed

from the smallest 

of beginnings

it grows within 

until it is able 

to offer life 

and hope

to all in need

of its shelter 

stop thief

let me hear

joy and gladness 

let the bones 

you have crushed

rejoice

fear and insecurity 

are like guilt and shame

always together 

partners in crime 

intent on robbing me

of the joy and gladness 

that are mine in Christ

a new song

God often uses disruption and disorientation in our lives to jolt us out of our apparent self-sufficiency, so that he might give us himself in some new and deeper and more beautiful way.  His desire in doing so is to take us beyond where we are and where we have been―beyond comfort to trust, beyond independence to dependence, beyond fear to love.

So, when disruption, deconstruction, and disorientation occur in our lives, we should see them as friends rather than foes.  We should see them as invitations rather than annoying inconveniences. They are meant to lead us beyond, to a place deeper into the heart and life of God.

Psalm 40 is a great example of this movement.  The whole reason for our time in the slimy pit has to do with knowing, trusting, and loving God in new and deeper ways.  The whole reason for the mud and the mire is that he might put a new song in our mouths, a hymn of praise to our God.  It is the way growth in Christ typically happens. 

the hard way

it is the failures that 

fuel the successes

the humiliations that 

lead to true humility

the desperation that

leads to total surrender

losing yourself that

leads to finding yourself

for narrow is the gate

and hard is the way

that leads to life

and few find it

you see me

you see beyond

the me i have become

to the me you imagined

you see beyond

the ways i have been 

deformed and defaced

by the hurts i've endured

and the lies i've believed

about you and about me

circus mirrors that 

do not tell the truth

but distort and disfigure

your beautiful creation 

you see beyond 

the wounds and the woes

the brokenness and the pain

the patterns and dysfunctions

the compulsions and addictions

the fear and the doubts

you see the real me

the eternal me

the beloved one

the masterpiece

of your own making

and you long for me

to see it too