four

what a mixed bag
this soul of mine
up one minute
down the next
high highs
and low lows

a hodgepodge
of differing emotions
diverse ways of being
conflicting conditions
existing simultaneously
a living paradox
an existential conundrum

how is it even possible
to be both broken and whole
needy and beloved
insecure and at peace
anxious and trusting
fearful and courageous
what a mess

how can my heart
simultaneously contain
such joy and angst
compassion and competition
grace and judgment
kindness and criticism
not to mention the
constant comparison

it is a perpetual wrestling
back and forth
to and fro
a tug o war
pulled one way
and then the other
but which one
will win

how can a soul
contain all of these
inconsistencies
how can two
such opposite
ways of being
coexist

and how is one
to reconcile
and integrate
the two
much less
be transformed

it is maddening
at times
being human