earthquake

And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. (Matthew 28:2)


sometimes it takes an earthquake to roll the stone away
God sends his angel to disrupt or disturb
to shake or quake our lives and our world
just enough so that the stone that held us captive
a prisoner trapped in the dark gloom of death and despair
is rolled away from the tomb
and we are given the power and freedom and possibility
of leaving the stench and decay of death behind
and stepping out into the warmth and light of new life
alive.  risen.  resurrected.
O God, let us take that step

he is risen

He is risen indeed!

blood

Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded,  Grieve, mourn, and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.  (James 4:8-10)


Lamb of God,
I smell the blood
on the skin of the world.

Blood.
Dripping from your wrists,
landing on my cheek.
Here before me I see
the fresh sacrifice
of my slaughtered God
splattered with hot,
crimson
blood.

Blood.
On my conscience.
On my hands.

I keep trying to wash it off
but it refuses to go away.

I was the one who willingly drove the nails
into your outstretched hands.

Forgive me.
(A Heart Exposed by Steven James)

a letter from God

You, my Beloved, have captured my heart.
I am filled to overflowing with affection for you.
O give me now your heart, lest mine burst within me.
One more second I cannot stand
Without the company of your presence,
Without the warmth of your embrace.
I think about you all the hours of the day,
Yearning for your glance, your smile, your touch.
I am totally captivated by you!
O how I long for you to be
Convinced of your beauty,
Convinced of your strength,
Convinced of your infinite value.
I long for you to know the depths of my affection
And the wild intensity of my passionate love.
I love you, O my Beloved.  You are mine.

a posture of receptivity

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down your nets for a catch.”  Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” (Luke 5:4-5)


I get the sense that there is a particular posture God is calling me to these days, and it has everything in the world to do with these verses in Luke 5.  It seems that there are currently quite a few places in my life where the words worked all night (or toiled in the ESV) and haven't caught anything seem to be appropriate.  They are areas where I am trying my best to make something happen--something good even--and having (at least visibly anyway) little to no success.  But the other day, as I was reading this passage, it hit me.  Maybe I am trying like crazy to achieve something that can only be received.  That seems to be one of the many treasures that these particular verses hold.  Sometimes we work and sweat and toil away, trying to produce an outcome that really can't be produced, but can only be received.  And a certain posture is required for each.  The posture of productivity is work, work, and more work.  The problem is that, in the spiritual life, productivity isn't the point, fruitfulness is.  And fruitfulness is never something I can produce or control, but something I can only make space for, and care for, and tend.  The end result is ultimately up to God. 

Therefore, the mistake I most often make is to take the posture of productivity for something that can only come about as a result of fruitfulness.  And when I do that, it will ultimately end in frustration.  Fruitfulness takes a different posture altogether.  It requires a posture of openness, surrender, vulnerability, receptivity, and trust.  That is what I have been seeing in these verses lately.  The disciples had worked hard all night and had absolutely nothing to show for it.  Then Jesus comes along an tells them to: "Go back out there, except this time go to the deep water and simply let down your nets.  Don't worry about the catch, I will take care of that.  I'm more concerned with your posture right now.  I'm more concerned with teaching you the difference between productivity and fruitfulness, because the Kingdom is all about fruitfulness.  One day you are going to be fishing for men instead, and when that day comes you need to learn the value of this posture of trust and openness and obedience and receptivity.  So go out into the deep water, even if that is a place where the fish are harder to find (that's part of the point), and let down your nets.  That's it!  Don't work and toil and sweat.  Just let down your nets and wait on me, I will fill them...in my own time and in my own way.  In fact, I am the only one that can truly fill them.  And until you learn that you aren't going to be of much use to anyone."

unfolded

I want to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am folded, there I am a lie.

                                       ~Rainer Maria Rilke

 

 

A few years ago, at the end of a retreat I was leading, I got into a wonderful conversation with a dear friend about all that God was up to in our lives.  And somewhere in the midst of the conversation he asked me a great question: "Do you have any secrets?"  The tone and the spirit of the question was not at all threatening or judgmental or harsh, but rather easy and free and filled with care. 

 

And I clearly remember being delighted with the answer that arose from deep within me.  "You know," I said, "I really don't."  And something really wonderful was struck deep within me, not only by the answer, but also by the question.  Because deep in my heart I have a desire to live openly, unfolded, before God and before the folks in my life and world; and this question was an invitation to do just that.

 

I've been thinking about confession a lot lately, and the role it plays in our life with God.  So many times I have viewed confession as a shame-filled, guilt-laden process that no one in their right mind would want to perform on any kind of regular basis.  But I'm beginning to think that I had it all wrong.  Confession is not a practice that is meant to produce guilt and fear and shame, but one that holds within it the possibility of living truly and freely and wholly (or holy) before God and before one another.  Confession is meant to produce life and space and freedom within us.  When I stand open before God and allow him to see all of me (which he already sees anyway), it does something beautiful deep within my soul.  It opens the possibility for intimacy and communication and growth (i.e., real relationship).  It allows him to help me clean my "inner room" of all of the junk and mess and clutter that fills the landscape of my soul and takes up room that God alone was meant to inhabit.  It unfolds me.  Because living folded, closed, and hiding is not really life at all, but only a fear-filled lie.  And we all know that: There is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear.  For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18) 

So I'm hoping that, from this day forward, I will begin to see confession in a new way; as an invitation and an opportunity rather than a duty and obligation.  An invitation from my loving Father to live before him openly, freely, and unfolded.  Thanks be to God!

real

i thought i knew me
but the me i thought i knew
wasn’t really me at all
just another clever disguise—an illusion
a person that really doesn’t exist
a creation of my own deepest needs and fears
 
it was the person i thought i needed to be
in order to be valued
in order to be worth loving
 
but how does someone
who really does not exist
hold any value at all?
except from this fickle and fleeting world
 
living a lie
to gain applause and approval
the false for the false
under the guise of true
why is it so hard to tell the difference?
to see and recognize the real—and the false?
 
as long as the false is present
the true is hidden
it can’t be lived
and what is the process of discovery?
how is the imposter unmasked?
how do i see the real face underneath?
the naked truth?
 
wear a mask long enough
and you forget you have it on
it becomes who you are—
or you become who it is
until you realize
until you are awakened—
come home to yourself
 
isn’t that what this life is really about?
becoming—
undressing—
letting go of all you thought you knew
in order to discover the true—
the real
the beautiful
waiting underneath.