Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. (Luke 10:40)
My life, especially this new life that I have been living for the past year and a half, is absolutely filled with preparations. It seems like I am always preparing for something, and oftentimes many somethings all at the same time: small groups I am leading, retreats I am facilitating, events at which I am speaking, etc., etc., etc. It is really easily if I am not careful, because of all of this preparing, to allow it to interfere with my prayer--the life of God that desires to grow within me. In fact, if I am not very careful the two (my preparation and my prayer) can get easily enmeshed and entangled. Now, on the surface that might sound like a good thing, and I am sure it can be, but I am not talking about a good enmeshing or entangling. I am talking about the kind of enmeshing and entangling that causes me to lose sight of the voice of God in me and to me. I recognized it again this morning as I was reading this very passage. God was speaking to me, He had a word for me, and before He knew it I had rushed off into preparation-mode about how this might apply, or be used in the lives of the people I would be sitting with or standing before in the days ahead. I had missed it. I had once again taken something that God was trying to say to me and converted it quickly into a lesson for others. I had once again skimmed over the surface of God's word to me in order to figure out how and why it might also be God's word to someone else. And all of the sudden His word to me, and ultimately and ironically His word to them, was lost or diluted or skimmed over. It was not listened to and reflected on and savored and prayed in like it was given to be. And the funny thing is, that because I had run so quickly from prayer to preparation, everybody loses.
I simply cannot allow my prayer to get diverted or waylaid or sidetracked; I can't allow it to become enmeshed and/or entangled with my preparation if I ever want God's word to have any lasting impact and power in my own heart and soul. The flow must always go the opposite direction. Preparation cannot determine my prayer, my prayer must always determine my preparation. The natural flow of the Spirit is that God's word and my prayer speak to and impact my life, and then whatever things I am preparing must flow out of His life and His voice deep within me. Only if my preparation flows out of my prayer will it ever have the power and the value it was intended to have. It takes great attention to keep these two distinct because they have a tendency to grow side-by-side within us and get easily entwined without us even recognizing it, until we begin to become dried up or burnt out or overwhelmed within and start to ask ourselves, "What is going on within me? Where is this coming from?" It is one of the great and subtle tensions (and dangers) of ministry, therefore I must keep watch.
Lord Jesus, help me. Help me stop preparing and start paying attention.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
planting and watering
So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. (1 Corinthians 3:7)
At times it is so easy to overestimate our own importance, particularly when it comes to the Kingdom of God. We get the feeling from time to time, or should I say we deceive ourselves into believing from time to time, that if we don't make things happen for God, them no one will. What a great reminder from Paul that God does very well on His own, thank you. We are not a necessity. Ours is not to make the seed, or person or church or whatever may be before us at the moment, grow. That is God's job, and done in God's time I might add. The salvation or growth of people is not something I can make happen no matter how hard I try. Ours is a much simpler task, to plant or to water...or in the case of some of the other parables, to scatter the seed. What happens from there is the important part and fortunately--or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it--the part we cannot control .
I planted some seeds by my front door at the beginning of the summer, hoping that one day they would turn into beautiful flowers. The container they came in warned me that nothing would likely come of the planting until the next spring or early summer, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to speed up the process. All I could do was to plant them and then consistently water the soil and let the soil, the seed, and the sunshine do its work. It was a slow and hidden process that would need to occur. And as I faithfully watered each day, I secretly hoped (but never told anyone) that somehow the flowers would miraculously appear any day. No Luck. Nothing. In fact, I became so impatient and so filled with doubt that there was anything really going on under the soil, that I was often tempted to dig them up just to see if, indeed, there was any growth taking place at all. Of course that would've been a ridiculous thing to do, and would certainly damage or delay the process, but I have to admit that I was tempted nonetheless.
But planting is just that way, there is a letting go that is a necessary part. There is a trust. There is a knowledge of our role...and God's. There is a patience necessary, as well as an attentiveness. But also, there is a lot of waiting. Waiting on the soil and the sun and the water and the seed to all do what they were made to do. You just can't make a lot happen. We can just work to make sure the conditions (the space, if you will) are right and make sure the seed is well planted--by means of conversation, relationship, writing, reading, or whatever your means of planting might be--and leave the rest to God...and to the waterer of course.
Watering is another proposition altogether. It's a little more involved. It's a little more constant. There is a little more attention necessary, and a little more work required over the long haul. Last summer I planted a flowerbed in my back yard, in a spot I love to sit and enjoy the silence and the beauty of God's creation. I made sure the flower bed was in a good spot for sun, and had good rich soil, but I didn't really think through the watering process. Actually, we don't even have a water supply to that part of the yard. Unless of course you use a hose, but in this case the flower bed was so far from a spigot that 3-4 hoses joined together wouldn't even reach it. I thought of running the water line out to that part of the yard. I thought of rain barrels. I even thought of trying to use the water produced by the condensation from my air conditioner. And after I shot all of those ideas entirely full of holes, I just decided to dip a bucket in the creek that runs along the back of our property line and do it by hand. So, every day of the summer I took my 10 gallon bucket, dipped it in the creek several times and watered my flowers. It was a pretty labor intensive process, especially when the dry season came.
It reminded me of Teresa of Avila and her thoughts on prayer as the way of watering the garden of our souls. She mentions that prayer comes in seasons: some when you must use a bucket and get it by hand, some when you use a waterwheel to help bring it from its source, some when you can water by means of a stream or brook where the water flows more freely and easily, and lastly when it comes from the rains of God's Spirit as it falls from the heavens and drenches and soaks the ground. Well, in my case, in absence of a waterwheel or irrigation system, my method was to continuously carry the water from the creek...and pray for rain. For most of the summer the bucket was a necessity, but O the joy for several weeks toward the end of the summer when the rains fell about every day (for at least some period of time). And on those days when it rained I rejoiced, and really began to understand what St. Teresa was talking about...rejoicing in those days and those seasons when God takes over and prayer just comes like rains from the heavens.
But now back to the point of the whole passage: So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. We should never take ourselves too seriously, or think of ourselves as too important in this process. In fact, we are nothing. We can produce nothing. Fruitfulness only comes from God. He is the One who makes things grow. Mine is to plant or to water, to pray and to pay attention, to trust and to wait. And watch what He does...and rejoice. Thanks be to God!!!
At times it is so easy to overestimate our own importance, particularly when it comes to the Kingdom of God. We get the feeling from time to time, or should I say we deceive ourselves into believing from time to time, that if we don't make things happen for God, them no one will. What a great reminder from Paul that God does very well on His own, thank you. We are not a necessity. Ours is not to make the seed, or person or church or whatever may be before us at the moment, grow. That is God's job, and done in God's time I might add. The salvation or growth of people is not something I can make happen no matter how hard I try. Ours is a much simpler task, to plant or to water...or in the case of some of the other parables, to scatter the seed. What happens from there is the important part and fortunately--or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it--the part we cannot control .
I planted some seeds by my front door at the beginning of the summer, hoping that one day they would turn into beautiful flowers. The container they came in warned me that nothing would likely come of the planting until the next spring or early summer, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to speed up the process. All I could do was to plant them and then consistently water the soil and let the soil, the seed, and the sunshine do its work. It was a slow and hidden process that would need to occur. And as I faithfully watered each day, I secretly hoped (but never told anyone) that somehow the flowers would miraculously appear any day. No Luck. Nothing. In fact, I became so impatient and so filled with doubt that there was anything really going on under the soil, that I was often tempted to dig them up just to see if, indeed, there was any growth taking place at all. Of course that would've been a ridiculous thing to do, and would certainly damage or delay the process, but I have to admit that I was tempted nonetheless.
But planting is just that way, there is a letting go that is a necessary part. There is a trust. There is a knowledge of our role...and God's. There is a patience necessary, as well as an attentiveness. But also, there is a lot of waiting. Waiting on the soil and the sun and the water and the seed to all do what they were made to do. You just can't make a lot happen. We can just work to make sure the conditions (the space, if you will) are right and make sure the seed is well planted--by means of conversation, relationship, writing, reading, or whatever your means of planting might be--and leave the rest to God...and to the waterer of course.
Watering is another proposition altogether. It's a little more involved. It's a little more constant. There is a little more attention necessary, and a little more work required over the long haul. Last summer I planted a flowerbed in my back yard, in a spot I love to sit and enjoy the silence and the beauty of God's creation. I made sure the flower bed was in a good spot for sun, and had good rich soil, but I didn't really think through the watering process. Actually, we don't even have a water supply to that part of the yard. Unless of course you use a hose, but in this case the flower bed was so far from a spigot that 3-4 hoses joined together wouldn't even reach it. I thought of running the water line out to that part of the yard. I thought of rain barrels. I even thought of trying to use the water produced by the condensation from my air conditioner. And after I shot all of those ideas entirely full of holes, I just decided to dip a bucket in the creek that runs along the back of our property line and do it by hand. So, every day of the summer I took my 10 gallon bucket, dipped it in the creek several times and watered my flowers. It was a pretty labor intensive process, especially when the dry season came.
It reminded me of Teresa of Avila and her thoughts on prayer as the way of watering the garden of our souls. She mentions that prayer comes in seasons: some when you must use a bucket and get it by hand, some when you use a waterwheel to help bring it from its source, some when you can water by means of a stream or brook where the water flows more freely and easily, and lastly when it comes from the rains of God's Spirit as it falls from the heavens and drenches and soaks the ground. Well, in my case, in absence of a waterwheel or irrigation system, my method was to continuously carry the water from the creek...and pray for rain. For most of the summer the bucket was a necessity, but O the joy for several weeks toward the end of the summer when the rains fell about every day (for at least some period of time). And on those days when it rained I rejoiced, and really began to understand what St. Teresa was talking about...rejoicing in those days and those seasons when God takes over and prayer just comes like rains from the heavens.
But now back to the point of the whole passage: So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. We should never take ourselves too seriously, or think of ourselves as too important in this process. In fact, we are nothing. We can produce nothing. Fruitfulness only comes from God. He is the One who makes things grow. Mine is to plant or to water, to pray and to pay attention, to trust and to wait. And watch what He does...and rejoice. Thanks be to God!!!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
don't just do something, stand there
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Isaiah 30:15
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Isaiah 30:15
I made a realization not too long ago, and the more I think about it, the more significant it seems to be. It involves a shift deep within me, one that has to do with the age-old tension between doing and being. For most of my life--and even more so, honestly, in my Christian life--I have constantly felt the pressure to try and make things happen. It is a mode of operation (a way of thinking and believing) that is very subtle, and seems noble and right at first glance, but one that is incredibly deceptive, and has an enormous effect on how you go about living your life--particularly your life with God. At its heart, it says: "Everything is up to me."
But recently I have noticed a change, one that has shifted me from the pressure of doing to the freedom of being. A realization that I do not have to make things happen, in fact I cannot make anything of true value happen, that is all up to God. He is the One in charge of salvation and growth and transformation, not me. He is the One that causes the heart to change, the seed to grow.
What I have noticed is that when I finally let go of the need to make things happen, somehow mysteriously (and miraculously) things just begin to. Things just come to be. These days I often find myself looking around in amazement and surprise at the fruitfulness and the beauty springing up all around me (and deep within me) and ask myself, "How did that happen?" It is simply extraordinary.
So what are we to do? Sit idly by and never do anything? Not at all. What we are to do is to try and learn the lesson God was teaching Israel in Isaiah 30. You see, Israel was the same way we are. In fact, as Isaiah 30 unfolds they are under attack, their world filled with fear and chaos. But instead of turning to God--the One who knows them best and loves them most, the One who longs to save them--they panic, they take matters into their own hands, and they run off in another direction altogether, trying to insure and/or secure their salvation. In fact, they turn to Egypt (of all people) and beg Pharaoh to come to their rescue. Because when it came right down to it, when they were desperate for something or someone to set their world right again, their true beliefs came out. Instead of turning to God, they try to make things happen for themselves.
So God comes to them and reminds them of what life with Him is really all about. Your salvation will be found in returning and rest. Don't try to take matters into your own hands, don't carry out plans that are not mine (Isaiah 30:1). Turn back to me: once, twice, and always again. For when you turn (or return) to Me, you will find rest, because I am the Sovereign God, the only One that can truly save you, the only One worthy of your trust. Find rest in Me, trust quietly in Me, for I am in control. So a shift is required, in them...and in us. A shift very much like my own. A shift from trying to make things happen, to turning constantly to God and trusting Him to work and to act. A shift that helps us begin to understand that the significant elements of life with our God are not do this and do that, but returning and rest, quietness and trust. Those are the bricks to build our spiritual house (lives) out of. Because when you turn constantly to me, I will be the One to make things happen...like you never imagined.
So don't just do something, stand there.
But recently I have noticed a change, one that has shifted me from the pressure of doing to the freedom of being. A realization that I do not have to make things happen, in fact I cannot make anything of true value happen, that is all up to God. He is the One in charge of salvation and growth and transformation, not me. He is the One that causes the heart to change, the seed to grow.
What I have noticed is that when I finally let go of the need to make things happen, somehow mysteriously (and miraculously) things just begin to. Things just come to be. These days I often find myself looking around in amazement and surprise at the fruitfulness and the beauty springing up all around me (and deep within me) and ask myself, "How did that happen?" It is simply extraordinary.
So what are we to do? Sit idly by and never do anything? Not at all. What we are to do is to try and learn the lesson God was teaching Israel in Isaiah 30. You see, Israel was the same way we are. In fact, as Isaiah 30 unfolds they are under attack, their world filled with fear and chaos. But instead of turning to God--the One who knows them best and loves them most, the One who longs to save them--they panic, they take matters into their own hands, and they run off in another direction altogether, trying to insure and/or secure their salvation. In fact, they turn to Egypt (of all people) and beg Pharaoh to come to their rescue. Because when it came right down to it, when they were desperate for something or someone to set their world right again, their true beliefs came out. Instead of turning to God, they try to make things happen for themselves.
So God comes to them and reminds them of what life with Him is really all about. Your salvation will be found in returning and rest. Don't try to take matters into your own hands, don't carry out plans that are not mine (Isaiah 30:1). Turn back to me: once, twice, and always again. For when you turn (or return) to Me, you will find rest, because I am the Sovereign God, the only One that can truly save you, the only One worthy of your trust. Find rest in Me, trust quietly in Me, for I am in control. So a shift is required, in them...and in us. A shift very much like my own. A shift from trying to make things happen, to turning constantly to God and trusting Him to work and to act. A shift that helps us begin to understand that the significant elements of life with our God are not do this and do that, but returning and rest, quietness and trust. Those are the bricks to build our spiritual house (lives) out of. Because when you turn constantly to me, I will be the One to make things happen...like you never imagined.
So don't just do something, stand there.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
schola caritatis
Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:28-30 (The Message)
Before anything, love Me. Just love Me, it's as simple as that. In fact, that is the one thing I really want from you, your love. And I want all of it. I want you to love me with everything you've got; all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Every bit of you. And I want you to love me for Me, not for the sake of anyone, or anything else. I must be the end, and not just a means to some other end. So love me because that's what I made you to do. And when you do what I have made you to do, you will know joy and fullness like you have never known it before. Then, and only then, will you be able to truly love others; for then you will be free from needing them to come through for you in some strangely dependent way. This freedom from needing them will allow you to truly love them, rather than to try and manipulate love out of them. For this second love can only be a reflection of the first.
Before anything, love Me. Just love Me, it's as simple as that. In fact, that is the one thing I really want from you, your love. And I want all of it. I want you to love me with everything you've got; all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Every bit of you. And I want you to love me for Me, not for the sake of anyone, or anything else. I must be the end, and not just a means to some other end. So love me because that's what I made you to do. And when you do what I have made you to do, you will know joy and fullness like you have never known it before. Then, and only then, will you be able to truly love others; for then you will be free from needing them to come through for you in some strangely dependent way. This freedom from needing them will allow you to truly love them, rather than to try and manipulate love out of them. For this second love can only be a reflection of the first.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
tenderness
This past summer I was at home one night watching the ESPYs with my daughter. Anyone that knows my daughter very well at all knows that she is a huge Peyton Manning fan; I think it had something to do with the fact that she got his autograph and a picture made with him when she was in first grade. Well anyway, Peyton was scheduled to make an appearance on the ESPYs, so we sat down to watch. For those of you that saw it, I'm sure you'll remember that Peyton was there to present Pat Summitt with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award; his words to her filled to overflowing with kindness and respect and the utmost admiration...classic Peyton Manning. After his introduction there was about a ten minute video on Coach Summitt's life and achievements that was narrated by Reese Witherspoon. Now I'll have to admit, I was not much of a Reese Witherspoon fan at that point...but I am now. It was absolutely beautiful! It was filled with person after person telling their story of how Pat Summitt had impacted them, and how much she means to them, and what kind of amazing person she is. And after the video she came forward with her son and humbly and gracefully accepted this prestigious award; it was just incredibly powerful.
I sat there in awe of the whole thing, not really knowing what to say, not really able to move, and deeply, deeply affected by it all. In fact, after everyone had gone to bed that night, I went back and watched the whole thing again, wondering why it had impacted (and was continuing to impact) me so profoundly. Whatever it was doing in me would just not go away, so I continued to reflect on it. Sitting in the dark, unable to sleep, I began to pray: "Lord, what is going on in me? What is it about this video that affected me so deeply? What is this all about? What are you trying to say to me?" Not really sensing any answer, and content with just wondering, I decided to go to bed. I got changed and laid down in the bed, still miles and miles from sleep. And as my spirit calmed and my mind cleared, I heard that oh so familiar Voice whisper in the ear of my Spirit, "You desperately want people to feel that way about you." And the tears began to roll down my cheeks because I knew it was the truth. It was not a voice of accusation, you know, the one you and I hear so often, the one that immediately turns us toward guilt and shame. But instead it was the Voice of One who loves me deeply and wants me to know the truth of my own heart. And so I sat with (I guess technically I was lying with) this recognition, or revelation, or whatever you might want to call it; grateful for the space and the silence to take in this truth and allow it to speak. But then, a few moments later, the Voice again whispered deeply into my heart and soul: "I feel that way about you." And then the tears came full-force as I was held in the intimately loving embrace of the One who knows me like no other and loves me more than I could ever ask or image. That night, that Voice, and those sweet words will mark me for a long, long time. It was the night when my Father, in His infinite tenderness, drew His mouth close to my ear and whispered His great affection to me. Thanks be to God!!!
I sat there in awe of the whole thing, not really knowing what to say, not really able to move, and deeply, deeply affected by it all. In fact, after everyone had gone to bed that night, I went back and watched the whole thing again, wondering why it had impacted (and was continuing to impact) me so profoundly. Whatever it was doing in me would just not go away, so I continued to reflect on it. Sitting in the dark, unable to sleep, I began to pray: "Lord, what is going on in me? What is it about this video that affected me so deeply? What is this all about? What are you trying to say to me?" Not really sensing any answer, and content with just wondering, I decided to go to bed. I got changed and laid down in the bed, still miles and miles from sleep. And as my spirit calmed and my mind cleared, I heard that oh so familiar Voice whisper in the ear of my Spirit, "You desperately want people to feel that way about you." And the tears began to roll down my cheeks because I knew it was the truth. It was not a voice of accusation, you know, the one you and I hear so often, the one that immediately turns us toward guilt and shame. But instead it was the Voice of One who loves me deeply and wants me to know the truth of my own heart. And so I sat with (I guess technically I was lying with) this recognition, or revelation, or whatever you might want to call it; grateful for the space and the silence to take in this truth and allow it to speak. But then, a few moments later, the Voice again whispered deeply into my heart and soul: "I feel that way about you." And then the tears came full-force as I was held in the intimately loving embrace of the One who knows me like no other and loves me more than I could ever ask or image. That night, that Voice, and those sweet words will mark me for a long, long time. It was the night when my Father, in His infinite tenderness, drew His mouth close to my ear and whispered His great affection to me. Thanks be to God!!!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
names
names
not enough
is the name
i hear
echoing off the walls
of my heart
i wear it like a name tag
i allow it to determine
my identity
it sends me
into a spin
running after
affirmation
achievement
value
why does this liar
have such power over me
to determine
who i am
what i do
somehow he
has made me believe
that his words
are true
beloved
is the name
i am known by
by the one
who made me
and knows me
the word of truth
that can set me free
if i dare to believe
the beauty that is bestowed
from his lips
if i dare to see
myself through his eyes
for if i dare
then i can live
true and free
with nothing more
to run after
i am at rest
in the arms of the one
who loves me
more than i dare
ask or imagine
awakening
But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! Romans 13:11-12 (The Message)
Day-to-day life can be so consuming. It can definitely absorb and/or exhaust us. In the midst of daily demands and obligations it is so easy to lose sight of what is truly important (or needed--see Luke 10:42), in contrast with what is merely urgent (or seems to be at least) . And sadly enough I am still so easily swayed, so easy distracted from the One Thing by the many things. It's almost like I need a daily awakening, if not a minute-by-minute one, to remind me of what is really important; to shift my vision from all of the things around me, to the One who lives within me. A daily call to stop living out of the false names, and selves, and stories I tend to live out of, that lead me to live in fear and insecurity and anxiety; and to live in the true name that God knows me and calls me by--Beloved. A name, and a life, that allows me to be up and awake to what God is doing rather than being overcome, and overwhelmed, and overly-affected by all that is going on in the world around me.
O Lord, my God, help me to live my life in you. Wake me up minute-by-minute, day-by-day, to your presence within me and around me. Wake me up to your love, and to your care, to your voice, and to your Spirit. Help me to come all awake within, and when I finally do, help me to find myself in your loving arms.
Those who have shaken off sleep eventually become all awake within. ~Clement of Alexandria
Day-to-day life can be so consuming. It can definitely absorb and/or exhaust us. In the midst of daily demands and obligations it is so easy to lose sight of what is truly important (or needed--see Luke 10:42), in contrast with what is merely urgent (or seems to be at least) . And sadly enough I am still so easily swayed, so easy distracted from the One Thing by the many things. It's almost like I need a daily awakening, if not a minute-by-minute one, to remind me of what is really important; to shift my vision from all of the things around me, to the One who lives within me. A daily call to stop living out of the false names, and selves, and stories I tend to live out of, that lead me to live in fear and insecurity and anxiety; and to live in the true name that God knows me and calls me by--Beloved. A name, and a life, that allows me to be up and awake to what God is doing rather than being overcome, and overwhelmed, and overly-affected by all that is going on in the world around me.
O Lord, my God, help me to live my life in you. Wake me up minute-by-minute, day-by-day, to your presence within me and around me. Wake me up to your love, and to your care, to your voice, and to your Spirit. Help me to come all awake within, and when I finally do, help me to find myself in your loving arms.
Those who have shaken off sleep eventually become all awake within. ~Clement of Alexandria
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